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 By
Fiona Yates
If you’re struggling with the strain of your parents arguing then
don’t worry, you’re not the only one going through the pain of
separation. LINC Reporter, Fiona Yates offers her advice for
dealing with the dreaded ‘D’ word.
Imagine the scene; you’ve just come home from school to find your
parents arguing again. They hardly seem to notice that you're home and
carry on shouting at each other.
They’re stomping about, slamming doors, throwing things about. You go to
your room but, no matter how loud you play your music, you can’t drown
out their shouting.
This isn’t the first time you’ve seen them furiously shouting at each
other. Many a time you’ve woken in the middle of the night to the sound
of them shouting. You turn over and try to ignore it, but it’s no use.
Soon you find yourself tired and lonely. You find it difficult to
concentrate at school but still like going because it’s a place for you
to get away from it all.
Then, again, maybe you don’t need to imagine.
Maybe you know what it's like to live with parents who argue all the
time. Maybe you sense the dreaded D word being brought up, or perhaps
your parents have already split up.
Not alone.
If your parents have decided to separate, chances are it may be for the
best. Divorce happens in a lot of families and half of all children will
see their parents split up.
You don’t have to pretend you’re not upset. It will be tough at first
but, in the end, your parents will be happier and so will you.
Young people go through a lot of emotions when their parents are in the
process of splitting up. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, confused,
ashamed, and afraid but trust me, these feelings won’t last forever and
things will get better.
You may feel like all your friends will think differently about you if
your parents split, perhaps embarrassed and wondering if yours is the
only family having problems.
Again, you’ll have to trust me on this one; they’re not!
Many parents separate and lots of other families are going through, or
have been in, the same situation. You shouldn’t be ashamed about your
parents getting a divorce or about one of them moving into another
house.
Tell somebody how you feel, like a close friend or relative. Have you
ever thought that some of your friends may have gone through, or are
going through, the same experience? If they have they will understand
and they can give you advice and support.
Talk to your them. It may sound scary but it will help. Let them know if
you're angry at them. Don’t hide your feelings and don’t feel as though
you have to stay strong.
You must tell them how you feel. What you say won't keep them together
but it will make them realise you're getting hurt in the process. If
they know how you're feeling they can help you cope.
But why are they splitting up?
If your parents have decided to split up, sadly, you won’t be able to
change their mind. After all, it isn’t your fault. They’ve probably
tried to work things out for a long time and they’re probably doing this
to make things better for you at home.
Usually they’ll be separating because they no longer feel the way they
used to about each other. They may have drifted apart, but this doesn’t
mean that they no longer love you.
Will things get better?
It may be hard to see an end to the sadness but things will improve and
just because they no longer live together doesn’t mean you can’t be
happy. It’s important to remember both parents will usually still be
there for you, even if you no longer live in the same house.
Believe it or not, your mum and dad will probably be happier once they
have split up! Plus, when your parents aren’t living together there
won't be as many rows, so your home life will become a lot quieter.
Don’t shut out your friends when dealing with this because they are the
ones who can make you feel better and in most cases will be very
supportive!
Soon after your parents separate your life will change. If your mum or
dad move, or if you have to relocate yourself, it will take a while for
things to settle down. You will have to get used to your parents living
apart. However, you might just start coming home from school to find
that the parent you are living with is a lot happier.
You'll no longer need to run away to your room to avoid the arguments.
Instead, your house will be quiet and you will get on better together
with whichever parent you live with.
In most cases, you will be able to visit your other parent whenever you
want. You can go to their new house and spend time with them without the
fear that another argument is about to explode. You will start enjoying
life again and school will no longer be a place you escape to. Splitting
up or getting a divorce is often the thing that will make you happier!
Recommended contact:
Family Support Team – Local advice, support, guidance, individual or
group work and counselling. 01942 828777.
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